FIRE Dating

Back in the Saddle

So maybe it’s too early for this topic, maybe not. Eventually after separating or finalizing your divorce you’re going to want to start dating again.

Since you’re pursuing FIRE, this might be even trickier than usual. The following questions came into my mind as I started getting to this point:

  • Where can I find someone also pursuing FIRE?
  • How do I find someone with similar values? Minimalism, FIRE, Mustachiansim are catching on, but definitely not “normal” or mainstream yet.
  • Can I date frugally, if so, how?
  • How do I protect myself and my assets?
  • Am I willing to change my FIRE plans for someone?

Tough Questions! Let’s try to tackle them one at a time:

  • Where can I find someone also pursuing FIRE?
    • First thing to acknowledge is this is probably going to be difficult, so you might be better off trying to find someone with similar values. That said, the first place I’d recommend is the Mr. Money Mustache forum, there is a Mustachian and Single area once you sign-up. Next possibility, attending FIRE events such as Camp Mustache, Chautauqua and other gatherings that attract like-minded people, maybe even FinCon, could be possible places. Lastly, if you go to a traditional dating site/app, it seems Match and eHarmony are the most focused on finding Love. If using one of these I’d just pepper your profile with signs (Minimalist, Not-Materialistic, etc) and skip anyone who says they love shopping ๐Ÿ™‚
  • How do I find someone with similar values?
    • The fortunate thing here is that Mustachianism generally involves a lot of outdoor activities and avoids spending money on shit. So, if you look for someone who enjoys hiking, camping, biking, up-cycling, picnics, DIY and the plethora of other things that don’t involve spending money on crap you don’t need or want,ย  you’ve probably found a winner. Now I did see someone’s profile on one of the traditional apps…they lived off-grid in a van in the middle of the Mojave desert. That was a bit too minimalist for me ๐Ÿ™‚
  • Can I date frugally, if so, how?
    • Yep, if you find someone who is pursuing FIRE, or has the values we called out above. In those cases, it should be pretty easy to date pretty frugally. If you find someone who just wants $14 martinis and dinner at the nicest place in town, then you may want to consider running.
  • How do I protect myself and my assets?
    • Can I take a pass on this one? Emotionally, dunno, good luck! Well, take your time, trust your gut and those you trust, for their opinions as well. Health wise…be safe, meet in public places, use protection. Financially, well, if you’re just dating, not much to worry about here. If things get serious and you’re considering getting married again, then probably best to consult an attorney in your area. One thing I’m personally a bit concerned with is since I’d like to live internationally, what would happen if I married someone from another country? I’d definitely want to understand the marriage and asset laws wherever I was first.
  • Am I willing to change my FIRE plans for someone?
    • Saved the hardest for last, didn’t I? This is gonna be a very personal one. I’m now a firm believer that life is short, we should follow our dreams and try to be as happy as possible. If FIRE is important to you, make sure you don’t give up or lose who you are for someone else. Hopefully you can find a middle ground, but if not and you are gonna give up your happiness for someone, I’m afraid it will be a recipe for disaster.

Lastly, I’ll just add that you’re going to want to make sure that you’re ready to date before you start (easier said than done). Otherwise, you’re wasting your time and everyone else’s. If you’re open for a new relationship, one might just find you, especially when you aren’t looking.

In my case, I also lost a majority of “my friends” during my divorce as well, so I also just wanted to meet some new people. The MeetUp app was something I tried out and would recommend to help meet new people in your area.

-Quique

I’m already divorced, what now?

Did you have a FIRE plan before the Big D or have one now?

Yes, I had a plan:

Sorry about the divorce, hope you are already in or headed to a better place. The first goals for you is to figure out what your path forward looks like and see if you need\want to course correct to still achieve your goals.

Most likely a significant portion of your shared net worth transferred to your former spouse. Based on where you are at now, you need to update your plan.

No, I had no FIRE plan:

Sorry about the divorce, hope you are already in or headed to a better place. Youโ€™ve got a great opportunity to start your FIRE journey without any past baggage. Hereโ€™s the first spot to stop and read (on first read, he might seem a bit extreme, just get the concepts and you can find your own route):ย http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/01/13/the-shockingly-simple-math-behind-early-retirement/

Other posts that might be helpful

To Side Hustle or not to Side Hustle

If you’ve been around the FIRE community for a bit, I’m sure you’ve ran across a dozen people telling you that you need a side hustle. I had…so during my marriage, I tried a couple Side Hustle businesses, which all essentially failed.

Side Hustle Experiments

I tried Amazon FBA, had one product that was doing well but had to stop selling, then my next product was a flop and I closed up shop. Next was Merch By Amazon, I had some success but realized I wasn’t good at making designs, so haven’t done much with it.

Several years ago, I had also tried to start a price comparison website for a specific Niche a few years ago, hired developers through one of the freelance sites, but they never delivered a working product. I dropped the domain and let that idea die.

I’ve got ideas up the wazoo about things I could do as a side hustle or even a primary business, but my previous failures certainly make me even more gun shy than I already was when I tried those.

A friend told me that I just wasn’t taking them seriously before….maybe. I did learn a lot from those efforts at least.

Those who can, do. Those who can’t teach?

From everything I’ve read and watched online, part of me has gotten the idea that it’s easy to make money online. The other part of my brain asks “If it was so easy, why are these people running courses\writing videos, instead of just doing what they are teaching?”

So that leaves me wanting to do something, but fearing failure. I’ve heard the saying “Anything worth doing, is worth doing badly until you can do it right” Guess that means I need to push past the fear ๐Ÿ™‚ Funny enough, my boss assigned us to read Who moved My Cheese and I picked it up and finished reading it today. It had some interesting quotes on Fear.

Fast forward a month or so and I’ve started a new Niche website and been looking into other Digital Side Hustles. I also listened to the 4 Hour Work Week Audio book by Tim Ferris. He too makes it sounds all too easy, but it did motivate me to at least take a crack again.

What Side Hustles have you tried?