Well your boy Quique here started dating someone….and started breaking the rules. Aren’t rules meant to be broken? All I can say is dating is expensive 🙂
I was cooking less, paying for the meals we had and doing more activities than usual. But to be honest, I don’t regret any of it. I started writing this article when I was seeing this person, but due to some extenuating circumstances we ended things after about 6 weeks. Going to share my thoughts and lessons learned, looking back on it.
I never had the full FIRE chat with the lady I was seeing, but I did mention wanting to change jobs\do something that involves helping people, retiring early (non-specific) and also moving out of the country. Luckily, she seemed pretty aligned with most of these ideas and didn’t seem to be a big spender. We were eating out a fair amount, so pivoting to cooking some meals together was on my radar.
So, when is the right time to bring up FIRE and that you have an actual plan and timeline? Gonna say this depends on the relationship. If you see it going somewhere and you think they could fit into your life and lifestyle, have the conversation. If you are worried that they might just get interested because they think you are loaded, you should probably hold off and re-evaluate dating them in the first place.
Frugality vs. Chivalry
So, during the whole time I saw this woman, I don’t think she spent a dime on me. I paid for all of our meals together, got her stuff for Valentines Day and her Birthday. I’m not exactly complaining, but it did feel a bit odd. She was a working professional, so I think I expected that at some point she’d offer to split something or pick up an occasional tab. What bugged me more I think was that she seemed to expect it and didn’t seem overly appreciative.
This is something I noted for the future. Was it just my frugal side expecting too much, a red flag or just an expectation of Chivalry?
I recently went on a first date with another lady and she offered to split every thing we did/had. I didn’t expect it and I’m sure that’s the exception rather than the rule but even the act of offering felt nice. Something to think about as you’re dating….you don’t want someone dragging your FIRE down.
Well, as I said above, that first relationship ended and it wasn’t easy for me. In some ways it was like getting separated/divorced again, in fact it was worse for me in some ways, since I realize now how done I was with my marriage.
Your first relationship after getting divorced probably won’t last forever either, so it’s important to remember to take care of yourself when it does end.
In my case, my previously filled schedule opened back up, I felt I had less reason to keep my apartment immaculate so chores slid and most of all, I realized I was hurting. It took me weeks to sort through all of that and get back to a good place. I took notes on what I learned from that relationship, inventoried what worked and what didn’t and am thankful for the experience.
What’s been your experience dating again?